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About DJam

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  1. My family had a pretty long period of denial. Until I found my current GF, I think they assumed it was some desperate fad or that I just "hadn't met the one, yet". Luckily, I had a close group of high school friends who were all there for me. I wasn't the only LGBTQ in the group either and that also helped things feel a little easier. I learned that just because you're born into a family, it doesn't necessarily mean you'll be unconditionally loved. However, the "family"that came to be with these great friends I found, even though we've physically drifted far apart after college we'll never lose those bonds. I'm incredibly grateful. Nearly a decade later, for the most part, we still keep in touch.
  2. I don't care for cigarette smoking, but I do enjoy drinking with friends. Usually ales or mixed drinks. I don't care too much about getting drunk though, so I like to drink slowly and keep aware of my balance. @cafwen It's definitely difficult stuff. It just latches on chemically and the withdrawals are rough. A friend of mine, who smoked at least a pack a day for years, recently started vaping to wean off his nicotine intake. He absolutely could not go cold-turkey, and he couldn't just smoke less because having a pack in reach was just too tempting. He's said vaping has been working better for him than patches or gum because it also satisfies the movement of lighting and taking hits. It's also easier to have control over the dosage, you just buy or mix weaker vaping liquids. He started off with liquids that had 24-20mg of nicotine and has been dropping 1-2mg each week. He doesn't plan on sticking with vaping after he reaches nicotine-free liquid. Maybe that route would be easier for you?
  3. The GF and I first met through mutual friends. She had an awesome witty sense of humor and was so gorgeous. I had an instant crush on her, but when I learned she had a boyfriend my romantic interest quickly faded. About a week later, she asked to hangout with me sometime and we exchanged numbers. We ended up texting each other non-stop and decided on taking a trip to the theater that weekend. After another day or two of non-stop texting, out-of-the-blue she replied, "wanna make this a date?" ...I blushed soooo damn hard... I had only come out to a few friends at the time, so it was quite a surprise - and, of course, I said, "yes!" It turned out she had mutually broken up with her boyfriend on the day we met. We've been together for about six and a half years now.
  4. For fun, I thought it would be nice to start a self-portrait thread. Show us how you see yourself, or how you'd like for the world to see you! All mediums are welcome, and do feel free to share multiple images. To start us off, here's something I quickly doodled earlier today.
  5. I don't think the words "Safe Zone" would essentially improve the logo's design, but I understand the need for a clearer message to newcomers. A brief message near the header or a welcoming tag-line beside the logo might be more suitable, if you needed to add something. It could likely better explain the intent of the forum and maybe be catchy at the same time. Just a quick example: GIRL♥GIRL ~a safe place for girls who love~
  6. I've tried meditation before, it's generally the first thing my friends like to recommend, but sitting still and quieting my buzzing brain is difficult. Even with guided meditation. I think I just find more enjoyment out of focusing my attention on crafting or solving something. @redpanda I'm actually working on self-publishing my first adult coloring book! My mother-in-law is really into them and she showed me there's a whole adult world to coloring books, (even that kind of adult, haha) it's pretty awesome. @lexinonomous Smoke is a little too rough on my throat, but when I can afford edibles it really is a pleasant for-sure way to relax~ @omgchels That sounds really interesting, actually. I do enjoy feeling those tingles when my hair is played with. It reminds me of documentary clips that explain how animals use grooming as a way to form stronger bonds. Heh. I'm not sure if listening to rain counts, but I do like to play Rainy Mood when it's difficult for me to sleep. Which reminds me, when it comes to relaxing musically, I highly recommend simultaneously playing Rainy Mood and Chillhop Cafe ( it's a neat 24/7 streamed radio that plays chill and jazzy beats ). Especially nice to have playing during chores and boring stuff. @ladydaydream I LOVE video games! It's just tough to find time to play them how I enjoy playing them - which is, for hours and hours on end so I get super involved in the storytelling. I am determined to dedicate time in my schedule for No Man's Sky, however! Otherwise I only really play games when I have friends over or when GF insists on co-op Let's Playing or something.
  7. Thank you for all of your replies. I've been considering them and really thinking things over. I think I could do better when it comes to reassuring her. @redpanda I appreciate it. I'm still trying to find the right meds, I think. Things have gotten slightly better but I'm still having these occasional off days where my mind kinda just shuts down and everything is numb. It doesn't happen everyday, but sometimes it feels like it can spoil a whole good week. We used to go see a LGBTQ specialized therapist together weekly, and then monthly, but there came a time when we couldn't afford the sessions anymore. I think I'll try looking into therapy again.
  8. I don't think it sounds odd, but I don't think there are any strict right/wrong rules to this. No matter the genders or orientation it's really up to the individuals to decide. There are some in the LGBTQ community who like to stray from the common husband/wife titles and instead use other terms; life partner, other-half, soulmate, etc... But I don't think that's the standard either. I know a gay couple that goes by wifey and wifer. I have a friend who likes to introduce the wife as "My Triple-B" and then explain that is means, "My Beautiful Blushing Bride."
  9. Glad to meet another Watsky fan! He's just awesome at being so relatable in his lyrics. I went to see him perform live one year and even the crowd was surprisingly really positive - at least, compared to every other concert I had been to. It was an awesome experience!
  10. I get pretty tense after a long day and it's usually a bit difficult to find time to step back and mellow out. I like being busy and constantly productive. When I do find a free moment, sometimes I'll read, draw, garden, bug the GF, or play a game. I like baking too, but it's tough to bake when you don't have a hungry group of friends there ready to help you eat a fat batch of cookies. Still, stress is really beating me up these days. I need some new stuff to try. Any ideas on relieving stress?
  11. I love hiking! I miss hiking! I used to take a trip every other weekend when I lived on the west coast, but now that I'm in the middle of Texas there aren't any nearby trails that really interest me. The land is all flat, yellow, dried up, and boring. I prefer winding mountain trails over cemented straight paths any day! Definitely looking forward to moving far away from here sometime in the future. I suppose the camping spots in Texas aren't all that bad though!
  12. WATSKY is one of my all-time favorite underrated artists. He's a real dude who puts his personal experiences and feelings into his lyrics. A lot of them have this, "I feel you, don't give up, you do you" attitude and it's pretty damn empowering. Cardboard Castles, Sloppy Seconds, and Hey, a****** are my favorite songs. I've gone back to hear these a number of times to get through tough moments. His emotionally deepest song though, I think, is Wounded Healer. He expresses the impact that aging and the death of our loved ones has on us. He was inspired by his father experiencing the loss of a dear friend, a psychiatrist who committed suicide.
  13. My GF and I have been together for six years and we've lived together for four years. Though our personalities are nearly opposite. (GF is very active and social while I'm pretty content with cuddling up at home alone, for example) we have tons of mutual interests and have successfully worked on many creative projects together. I totally love her mind, body, and soul and we both take time every day to reassure each other of our love. My family was toxic, and it wasn't until I was able to distance myself from them that I realized I was being manipulated on a daily basis and it was diagnosed that I had been suffering severe depression. I've regained some control over the years, but sometimes it's difficult to crawl out of the dark. Because of my background, I'm pretty used to independently tending to my wounds (mental or physical) and sort of dealing with everything on my own. I learned patience, tolerance, even numbness early on. As for GF, her patience is a bit short and on bad days she's pretty temperamental. Before moving in with her four years ago, I had to fake my smiles nearly everyday at home. I had so much practice "pretending" to be okay, it was a huge relief when I moved into a new home where I could be honest and accept my feelings. When I felt like s***, I could say so without being guilt-tripped or accused, and GF would be there to help in whatever way would... However, some days, depression and stress gets the better of me and even with GF there it's incredibly difficult to honestly smile. Maybe it's just that she gets worried or she just really loves being my hero, but when her presence isn't an instant cure GF gets frustrated. Although I'm sure she understands that it's not something that I can control, and I'm sure she's never deliberately trying to direct her frustration at me, she often negatively leaves the room or becomes snippy and dismissive. I refuse to lie to her, but sometimes her reactions hurt to the point where I regret being truthful about my mood at all. I hate seeing her unhappy, and it only hurts more when I feel like I contributed to it. On the worst days, we'll clash into arguments over mundane things. I'll try to hide my crying and she'll avoid me for hours. One of us will say sorry first, and we'll always make up, but those moments still cause hurt. Whenever I have a bad day, my GF's well-meaning "How are you?" have become to mean, "Do you wanna make me unhappy too?" in my mind. It feels terrible. I don't want to feel afraid to answer truthfully. I don't want to feel defensive around her. I don't want to feel like I should revert back to faking smiles again to keep the peace. I don't think I could if I tried, I just find myself fighting tears... I know GF doesn't want any of that for me either. We've talked about this on multiple occasions, and GF insists that she still wants me to feel able to come to her whenever I'm not feeling well. She says wants to be there for me, just as I've always been there for her, but after every talk we eventually end up in that same unhappy cycle. I'm not sure what to do anymore. What would you do?