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Lost and confused

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Sorry this is a little long and all over the place. To be honest I feel all over the place and confuse everyone including myself. In August of last year I met an older woman. My life has completely changed I'm not the girl who I was back then. For some reason

I'm feeling bad about my presumably straight woman crush. No one seems to understand me. Nothing working any more. She may know about my feelings and has been avoiding me. I'm equally guilty because I need to make an appointment to get my car looked at and I keep canceling it. I'm afraid she confront me about liking her. She makes me nervous.

I was in a contact with her and the dealership she worked for.....and I almost ended being in breach of contract because I avoided her: I avoided her because she made me question my sexuality. In February was able to talk to her a close my end of the deal.

Back in July someone sent her my journal entries. I admitted to being attracted to her. She's an older woman (60) so she may not be open to it.

I find myself wanting to have a relationship with her. I'm depressed over this unrequited love. I'm embarrassed over her and afraid I will cry if she asks me about it. I don't want to bring it up with her. I don't want out myself if I'm wrong about het finding out. However I just have intuition that she knows.

I want to get know her. But don't know where to

start. I don't feel comfortable friending her on Facebook. I would like to get to know her. Say something like I would like to get know you better. Any idea on how to win her trust?

I have decided the best way to know for sure if she's into girls is to get to know her. Become friends with her and if she into girls then maybe a relationship. However I don't see myself marrying her or anything. Something short term. Someone to explore my sexuality with. Is it wrong to get with someone to explore your sexuality?

I have always attracted older men/women. Like wise I'm attracted to older women. Is that bad. I seem to relate to older people better.

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