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98Netty

I'm gay and afraid of it. Help!

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Hi everyone, I'm Netty and I am a lesbian. I'm very glad I found this website, as I need some help and advice.

I recently turned 18, and I was sure once I was legally an adult I could begin to really live my life as I feel I should. I was always afraid of my parents being mad at me and telling me what to do, so I figured once I turn 18, I can start living my own life. 

But age didn't change the fact that I grew up in a very religious family and, even if I have accepted myself as a lesbian, I always feel guilty when I think of girls a certain way... I'm afraid if I do something my parents or the Bible doesn't agree with, something bad will happen. 

I don't want to feel like this anymore. I know, deep down, that bad things don't happen just because you're gay! But I can't help it, for 18 years all I heard is being lesbian/gay/bisexual and don't even get me started on transsexual, is very very wrong. 

I just want a normal life, to have a girlfriend and just be happy, but I feel there's something holding me back. Has anyone ever felt this way? What did you do? Will therapy help? I'm ready to try anything that would help!

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Hey @98Nettywelcome welcome! :)

Unfortunately you can't really do much if you grew up from a very religious family. You can't change what your religious parents think about LGBT, religious family members normally associate LGBT with sins unfortunately. I know how you feel, it feels like the day will never come. Because no matter how hard you fight for it, you'll be defeated by religion. What you can do is to get education (as Michelle Obama always suggest, even in her final speech as the first lady), because I believe education gives you your meaningful freedom in the future. You need a little extra of patience - maybe a few years or maybe more. I've waited 10 years. I have GF but we're closeted and can only say "she's my best friend".

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Hi @98Netty . I can understand your dilemma. This kind of personal battle has never been easy on individuals. I think things may eventually look up and you may find a way of slowly expressing your interest to you family.

 

Take no drastic steps. Just go slow by frequently dropping hints on how comfy you are with female friends than male friends. 

 

So that when you finally drop the real bomb they don't get shocked. 

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Hi @98Nettyand welcome to the forums!

I'm so sorry to hear you have such problems :774_broken_heart: I also have faith, but I think religion can sometimes be so extreme, it can hurt people like us.

It's not your fault that you feel this way and it's good to hear you're able to distinguish 'the real world' from 'the religious world', that is a big, huge thing! 

I don't know if therapy might help, you could try? Do you have any LGBT friends you trust with this problem to talk to? Of course, we're here to help as well, you can always talk to us if you need to! I think SElf made a great point, time will be your friend and you should definitely be patient, things will get better, you'll see :) 

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51 minutes ago, Anna said:

it's good to hear you're able to distinguish 'the real world' from 'the religious world', that is a big, huge thing! 

I like that comparison ;) And I think it's a big thing too. Because some of us often think we are sinful just because someone said we are. Able to differentiate those two is a good start.

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Welcome to the forum @98Netty. :) I don't think you should be afraid of who you are, really, if you have an attraction for women you should go for it. I mean, what does religion has to do with who you love or don't? I think there is a lot of hypocrisy out there, and we should just live our live the best we can. Respecting others and ourselves, that's just it.

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Hi Netty, nice to meet you :)

It sucks that you feel this way, it really does, but Anna said something very wise! 

On 1/8/2017 at 10:32 PM, Anna said:

It's not your fault that you feel this way and it's good to hear you're able to distinguish 'the real world' from 'the religious world', that is a big, huge thing! 

You are definitely one huge step forward compared to many LGBT people who have also grown up in a conservative environment :)

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I'm a trans man and I grew up on a machist-super religious-mexican family and it has been really hard, especially for my family to accept me but you know, it's a process, and it's something that they need to accept sooner or later. 

But if I were in your shoes I would definitely go to therapy, I kinda feel that you still need to accept your sexuality, and that part it's influenced by your religious roots, and there's nothing wrong with it, but if you want to feel free you need to accept youself first, and then you can keep going on with others.

I wish you the best luck. 

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Hi @98Netty I am not surprised or finding anything which should make you feel guilty or geopolitics the way you're feeling or going through at this point of time because everything is so natural which happens with each and everyone. You said you're 18 but some of go through this stage at while growing up.

If you feel that you are comfortable in the company of a GF that is perfectly normal and nothing to guilty about. I don't think you have to obtain permission from others or do according to their suggestion but this is entirely your wish and choice. 

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Thank you so much everyone for your replies! You are awesome people and I'm so lucky to have found this lesbian forum :D 

I am actually saving money to afford therapy, I found work on the weekends so, hopefully, I'll give it a try soon because I really feel desperate! I hate feeling like this, it's like I'm going crazy every day.

10 hours ago, Mika said:

You said you're 18 but some of go through this stage at while growing up.

Yes, I am 18 and I did start going through this stage many years ago. I just figured, when I'll be an adult, I'll no longer be so afraid of admitting I'm a lesbian because I no longer can get grounded by my parents or told what to do all the time. I just thought things were going to change. They didn't. But I'm working on it! Thank you so much for your support!

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